An Old Story

A church member had stopped attending services. Noticing his absence, the pastor decided to visit him on a chilly evening. He found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his pastor's visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a large chair near the fireplace and waited. The pastor made himself comfortable but said nothing. In silence, both men watched the flames dance around burning logs.

After several minutes, the pastor stood and took the large tongs and picked up a burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host observed his pastor’s actions in silent fascination. The flame of the one lone ember slowly went out and the ember became cold and dark. Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting.

Just before the pastor was ready to leave, he picked up the smoldering ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. It quickly began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it. As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said, "Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday."

The obvious moral of the story is a lone ember cannot continue to burn isolated from other embers. Disciples must surround themselves with other disciples in order to flourish. Without fellowship with other disciples, their faith grows cold. Fellowship was a characteristic of the original Jerusalem church: “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” The Greek word translated as fellowship is koinonia and means sharing, participation, or partnership. It’s a relational term and reflects strong bonds that bind people together when their heart desires are one and the same. The Greek philosophers used koinonia to depict the ideal of a harmonious and just society.

When you find others who share the deepest desires of your heart, your lives are bonded. As disciples you share the same identity as children in the family of God. You follow and serve the same Lord. You are filled with the same Spirit. Your core beliefs are identical. When you are together, your joy is multiplied. With grateful hearts you naturally seek to love each other just as Jesus loves you. This is true fellowship. 

⁴² They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³ Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. ⁴⁴ All the believers were together and had everything in common. ⁴⁵ They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. ⁴⁶ Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, ⁴⁷ praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Acts 2:42-47

They shared the same faith, values, and love of Jesus which naturally led to sharing their possessions. They “had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.” It may be the only community in history in which there were no needy people among them” (4:34 below). They shared the same passion because Jesus lived in their hearts. This made it an extraordinary community that attracted others. So “… the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. 

³² All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had.
³⁴ There were no needy people among them, because those who owned land or houses would sell them ³⁵ and bring the money to the apostles to give to those in need.
Acts 4:32, 34-35

When people are one in heart and mind, it will inevitably be expressed in love. Not just words or emotions, but through actions that demonstrate love. Disciples isolated from a community of disciples will find it very difficult, if not impossible, to love in such sacrificial ways. Growing and becoming more like Jesus requires participation in a community of disciples that is exemplified by fellowship. Fellowship means much more than attending church. Fellowship is the result when a group adopts the “one another” mandates as their standard.

Fellowship is Having Each Other’s Back

True fellowship fosters the sacrificial love that Jesus expected his disciples to manifest in their relationships with one another: “Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other” (John 13:34). Soldiers and warriors who have fought and suffered together often experience true fellowship. Steven Pressfield in his book, Gates of Fire, describes the fellowship and love shared by warriors which reflect the biblical meaning of fellowship.

When a warrior fights not for himself,
but for his brothers,
when his most passionately sought goal 
is neither glory nor his own life's preservation, 
but to spend his substance for them, his comrades, 
not to abandon them, not to prove unworthy of them, 
then his heart truly has achieved contempt for death, 
and with that he transcends himself 
and his actions touch the sublime.

My son-in-law, Dustin Koslowsky, who was deployed to Afghanistan three times, experienced the depth of this kind of fellowship. He wrote in his Master Thesis Manuscript (Colorado Christian University, 2020):

“Repeatedly we see combat veterans describe the powerful bonds that men forge in combat as stronger than those of husband and wife” (Grossman, D. (2009), On killing: The psychological cost of learning to kill in war and society. Open Road Media.). The bond Grossman describes here is one that I have personally felt. The relationships our team forged eleven years ago in the mountains of Afghanistan endure to this day, and for many years, caused me to miss the war and long to return. Junger writes extensively on this phenomenon, noting that adversity makes people more interdependent, feeding a sense of belonging that people inevitably miss. (Junger, S.(2016). Tribe: On homecoming and belonging. Hachette Book Group, Inc.) As awkward as it is to say, part of the trauma of war seems to be giving it up. This experience, however, is not limited to veterans and has been recalled by WWII Blitz survivors, Peace Corps workers, and even AIDS survivors. 

Dustin went on to say:

As I described in the prologue, when I returned from Panjshir I felt, and very often was, completely alone. I returned to an empty apartment while attending training and felt isolated from my fellow students and company grade officers because of my experiences and personal loss. In short, I did not feel like I belonged, and burdened by survivor’s guilt, I was propelled down a path of seeking ways to make myself numb. Bridges would likely describe this as being disoriented (Bridges, W. (2004). Transitions: Making sense of life’s changes (2nd ed.). Perseus Books Group.).

And finally:

One of the most important lessons I have learned over the course of study is how suffering strengthens our identity in Christ and amplifies our testimony of his greatness and love…(Also a main point of - Zacharias, R. & Murry, A. (2020). Seeing Jesus from the east: A fresh look at history's most influential figure. Zondervan Reflective.). This is true in relationships with each other as well, where the bonds we form in shared suffering, such as in combat, are remarkably strong.

When the U.S.A. withdrew our forces from Afghanistan and the Taliban overran Kabul, several translators who had been part of Dustin’s team, along with their families, were in extreme danger. Dustin, along with others who had served with him, worked around the clock a half world away to rescue them. It was part of the “digital Dunkirk” known as the” “Pineapple Express.” They were successful in saving the three translators and their families and continued to work on extracting their extended families from their enemies. They have each other’s backs.

Dustin’s actions and words convey important biblical truths about koinonia (fellowship). Koinonia is “forged” through shared love and suffering and builds almost unbreakable bonds. Those who have experienced genuine koinonia are willing, if necessary, to sacrifice their lives for one another. They are known by others at a deep level and know others at that same level, which generates a profound sense of “belonging,”—being part of something bigger themselves. This is what the Bible calls fellowship, not sharing coffee and donuts after a church service. Consequently, koinonia is life-changing and life-enhancing by definition.

Reality Check

We must remember disciples are “apprentices” in the art of Kingdom living. We are forgiven sinners being molded into saints, Christ-like people. The church at its best displays God’s love and grace. But our old, selfish, and self-centered natures still surface from time to time to disrupt the peace, unity, and harmony in the community of disciples. The resulting disputes and quarrels are never pretty or pleasant. Someone wants his or her way, and another takes offense. Anger and conflict erupt. 

Paul spoke about such conflicts in several of his letters to the NT churches. For instance, in Philippians 4:2 he wrote, “Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement.” Both of these women had served faithfully with the apostle. Yet their feud was disturbing the peace and unity of the community of disciples at Philippi. We’re not told whether or not they settled their differences.

Conflict is inevitable, just as it was among the first twelve disciples. Consequently, kindness, grace and forgiveness must also abound in the community of disciples. We easily lose our perspective by majoring in what are ultimately minor concerns. We must always remind one another that we are a society of the forgiven, not a community of those who have reached perfection. When conflict occurs, we follow Jesus’ teaching, “If another disciple sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back” (Matthew 18:15). 

Disrupting the peace and unity of a church is a sin according to apostolic teaching. The peace, unity, and mutual love is more important than agreement in matters of secondary importance. Disciples must be willing to lose graciously on non-essentials. This motto can be a helpful reminder to us as we navigate through the turbulent waters of disagreement and conflict:

In Essentials …Unity

In Non-Essentials …Liberty

In All Things … Love

In this era of increasing rates of suicide, loneliness, depression, and anxiety, people are desperate to find true fellowship. Their suffering is real. They long to belong to a community that practices acceptance and unconditional love, has a shared sense of purpose and mission, and is unified though their mutual commitment to follow Jesus. The NT Church was that kind of community. Our communities of faith should be the same.

THINKING IT THROUGH

“Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” Amos 3:3

THE TRUTH: Jesus created a community of disciples to be a visible expression of Kingdom Living.

YOUR CHALLENGE: Disciples serve and flourish within that community. 

The Scriptures, questions, and notes are for group discussion and personal reflection. Our goal in Tier II is character transformation which requires sustained effort and growing faith. The questions can help you understand this challenge at a deeper level. We encourage you to focus on those questions that you find most interesting or helpful. This is not a test, but a tool to help you work the challenges.

Related Scriptures

1 John 3:16-18 ¹⁶ We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person?
¹⁸ Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

John 17:21-22 ²¹ I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me.
²² “I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one.

Acts 9:31 ³¹ The church then had peace throughout Judea, Galilee, and Samaria, and it became stronger as the believers lived in the fear of the Lord. And with the encouragement of the Holy Spirit, it also grew in numbers.

Romans 14:19 ¹⁹ So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.

Romans 15:7 ⁷ Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.

Galatians 2:2b ²ᵇ While I was there [Jerusalem] I met privately with those considered to be leaders of the church and shared with them the message I had been preaching to the Gentiles. I wanted to make sure that we were in agreement.

Romans 12:16 ¹⁶ Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!

Galatians 6:2 ² Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:9-10 ⁹ So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. ¹⁰ Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

Ephesians 4:15-16 ¹⁵ Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. ¹⁶ He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.

Ephesians 5:21 ²¹ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:31-32 ³¹ As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” ³² This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

Philippians 2:2-4 ² Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. ³ Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others…. ⁴ Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

Questions

You are encouraged to use these questions for group discussion or personal reflection. Respond to the questions that are most relevant or interesting to you (I urge you to write your responses in a journal or notebook).

1. Read the Related Scriptures and underline each reference to the church’s unity, peace, or harmony. Then use your journal to summarize what you found in those underlined Scriptures.

2. Do you remember one particularly positive experience you witnessed or experienced in a church? If so, describe it in your journal.

3. Challenge 6 states as it’s “Truth” and “Challenge”: “Jesus created a community of disciples … and, Disciples … flourish within that community.” Do you believe both affirmations of this step? Which affirmation do you struggle with the most and why?

4. Reflect on the similarities and differences between the NT church and the churches you have seen up close and personal. In your journal, list the two or three most important differences you see.

5. Parts A and B of Challenge 6 include Scriptures describing the NT church. Had you been alive and lived in Jerusalem during the first century, would you have been attracted to the church? Why or why not?”

6. Part B has linked fellowship with suffering. Reflect on the relationship between suffering and fellowship. Have you ever experienced a deeper relationship with another person because of suffering? Describe the dynamics.

7. This part also linked fellowship with a sense of belonging. Reflect on the relationship between fellowship and feeling you belong. Have you experienced a sense of belonging in a group because of a shared interest, experience, or belief? If so, why are the two linked?

Copyright © 2024 Don Waite

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