Love, Not Manipulation

Jesus lived to please his Father, his Audience of One. Consequently, disciples live to please Jesus, our Audience of One. This was the theme in Challenge 7 A. Those who “dare to be different” in this way, discover it brings purpose, simplicity, and clarity to life. It also brings an inner peace and order in a world increasingly characterized by complexity, confusion, and conflict. People-pleasers, on the other hand, often live with heightened levels of anxiety and exhaustion because of the difficulty of pleasing people in an era of relentless social change and harsh social media. Pleasing people gets trickier every day. I know because I’ve lived most of my life seeking to please people. People in the helping professions are often people pleasers.

Failure is inevitable for people-pleasers. Disciples must recognize living to please Jesus is a means of living responsibly in the world, not a means of escaping the world. Consciously living our lives before Jesus means we seek to do the right thing, which often is not the easiest thing or the politically correct thing. Choosing to please Jesus helps us navigate through the social chaos that surrounds us. Chaos does not threaten our identity or undermine our well-being because we do not seek or need the approval of others. Consequently, we are free to live differently, holy—like Jesus, by loving and caring for others without needing or expecting to receive anything in return. Living in this way expresses unconditional love for God and for other people but refuses to manipulate or use others to meet our own personal needs.

Jesus: The Light of the World

Yet living to please and to become like Jesus requires that we intentionally seek to influence others, just as Jesus sought to influence others. In fact, I believe Jesus is the most influential person in human history. Living your life before an Audience of One is not a way of escaping the brokenness and pain in the world, but engaging and influencing the world with the light, love, and life that Jesus brings.

⁴ The Word [Jesus] gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone.

¹² Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”
John 1:4, 8:12

Light reveals the true nature of things. Jesus is the light of the world and reveals God’s true nature—his holiness. Jesus’ light also reveals God’s intentions for human lives. This is why love and life are so closely associated with light in the Scriptures. Jesus’s light illuminates the beauty of Kingdom living. Jesus brings God’s light, love, and life to the world (John 1:4). He invites people to leave the darkness and enter the light by following him.

As we follow Jesus by walking in his light, we see everything more clearly. Light, by its nature, always overcomes the darkness. Darkness cannot coexist with light. Light illuminates what the darkness hides. That means the light exposes our character flaws. Things we are ashamed of, what some excuse as private sins that harm no one, can no longer be covered up, denied, or simply excused as part of our “private lives.” Light reveals our hidden secrets, like:

• Pornography

• Abuse of drugs and alcohol

• Lies, gossip, or character assassination.

• Gambling losses, greed, and cheating

• Abuse of family or those we supervise

• Sexual sins, lust, and lies

• Using positions of trust for personal gain.

Consequently, the slogan “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” is a lie. Everything that happens in Vegas or anywhere else, will eventually be exposed. Why? Because God is light (1 John 1:5) and the nature of light is to expose and overcome the darkness. 

²¹ Then Jesus asked them, “Would anyone light a lamp and then put it under a basket or under a bed? Of course not! A lamp is placed on a stand, where its light will shine. ²² For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light.
Mark 4:21-22

Knowing that everything done in the darkness and every secret will be exposed presents no threat for disciples who live their lives before an Audience of One. Since Jesus sees everything we have done or will do, we know it is futile to try to hide anything from him. We confess sin rather than hide it. This brings peace and freedom, not fear. When we live in his light, we naturally become more transparent which allows his light to shine through us. We, like Jesus, begin to light up the darkness in the world around us.

This Little Light of Mine

The chorus of a well-known children’s song conveys a profound truth. The first stanza says, 

This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.

This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.

This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.

Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine.

The song recognizes and affirms that as followers of Jesus, we walk in his light so that we become sources of light to others. These simple words echo a profound truth that Jesus taught.

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.”
Matthew 5:14-15

Jesus, who is the “light of the world” tells his followers that they are also the “light of the world.” Jesus multiplies our “little lights,” the light of two and one half billion other believers in the world today, making us like that city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. 

The song repeats, “I’m going to let it shine” three times in each stanza. The question is how do we let it shine? Jesus answered that question when he said, “No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.” Lamps are placed in prominent places (“on a stand”) where they bring light to everyone in the vicinity. If the light is hidden (put “under a basket”), it is useless and does not fulfill the purpose for which it was created. God puts his lamps, his little lights, in strategic places where their lights shine to penetrate the darkness around them.

How do we let our little lights shine in ways that illumine the darkness? Should we elevate ourselves on soapboxes (stands) where people gather and preach sermons on light? Is that what Jesus intended? Jesus said we place a “lamp” on a stand, but I suggest we tweak the metaphor by thinking of it as placing a fishbowl on a stand. Fishbowls are transparent and are often illuminated by lamps, so everyone can watch the fish. There is no place for the fish to hide. They are always on display. Disciples choose to live in figurative fishbowls, always on display, with no places to hide.

Life in a Fishbowl

We never practice our faith with the intent to “impress” others, but neither do we make it a private matter. Jesus lived his life before the watching world. He frequently withdrew from public view to spend time in the Father’s presence—to have a personal conversation with the Father. But otherwise, his life was an open book — or perhaps a fishbowl 

I learned this the hard way. I went all-in for Jesus a month before I started my senior year of college. Following graduation, I moved to Portland, Oregon, and became part of the youth ministry staff at a church. I lived with other guys in the “youth house,” which was like a community center for teenagers. We slept upstairs. The downstairs was reserved for youth activities. In a typical week, we welcomed approximately one-hundred different youth into that house. Many of them came multiple times. 

There were group meetings, Bible studies, one-on-one mentoring, spontaneous games, and conversations with teenagers who dropped by. It was both a stimulating and challenging place to live. Keeping the house clean was always challenging. Imagine having one-hundred guests per week in your home, week after week. Many of those visitors drank a glass of water during their visit. Think of the dishes. Then consider how much dirt and mud would be tracked in each day in that rainy climate. 

Nothing had prepared me for such a demanding lifestyle. I had been a college student the previous four years and lived with other students in an apartment. During those years, no one ever checked to see whether we had vacuumed the carpet, cleaned the toilets, or done the dishes. I could go to bed when I wanted and get up when I wanted. In retrospect, I realized that my life as a college student, like many college students, was extremely self-centered. 

Living in the youth house required self-discipline and patience but became a profoundly enriching and life-transforming experience. Yet the benefits came at a cost. What I missed most from my college lifestyle was privacy. After a few months in the youth house, I described my experience as like “living in a fishbowl.” The only time I could be alone was when I was sleeping or in the bathroom. Even my daily appointment with God took place in a room with glass doors. People were always coming and going. Eventually, I adjusted to living in a fishbowl. The lack of privacy meant there were few secrets, and nothing could be hidden, which was great preparation for the scrutiny I received as a pastor. I always made sure my office door had a window or an open door, signaling nothing was hidden. Until I retired, I lived most of my adult life open to public inspection. 

After Jesus began his ministry, he lived under almost constant public scrutiny. Every part of his life was observed, inspected, and evaluated by both friends and foes. Today we call this transparency. Read the gospels. Crowds were coming from everywhere to see and listen to Jesus, making it difficult for him to spend time alone with his closest friends and disciples. His disciples were always welcome to examine every aspect of his life. His private life was not off-limits to them. He had no secrets to hide. There was not even a hint of hypocrisy. Jesus lived in a fishbowl, always open to public inspection. I recognized and deeply appreciated this aspect of his life and ministry when I was living in the a fish bowl called the youth house.

Holiness requires that we surrender our “right” to hide parts of our lives from public scrutiny. Keeping secrets or parts of our lives private may need to be sacrificed as you live your life openly before Jesus. Of course, there needs to be time alone with God, time with our families, and time for rest and relaxation. But if what happens in these times is hidden from others, we are not living like Jesus. We are hiding our light under a basket.

If God places you in a prominent position, it is even more important that you permit others to see what happens to you when you are not in the spotlight. We frequently see prominent pastors and Christian leaders who hide their private lives and then when they are exposed, it becomes a scandal. Jesus and his church are disgraced. God’s standards are the same for all, but those in prominent positions must welcome increased public scrutiny and higher accountability. Those with lower public profiles may face less scrutiny and accountability, but still live by the same biblical standards.

Disciples cultivate transparency and welcome public scrutiny. We must sacrifice our right to hide parts of our lives and to keep secrets. Jesus lived in that way and so must we. We reflect the life of Jesus only if our lives are accessible to others. Perfection is not a prerequisite, but transparency is. We must dare to be different by living before our Audience of One, but also in a way that permits others to see what that looks like. 

One night many years ago, I was working late and didn’t leave my church office until after midnight. Finally I shut down my computer, locked the church doors, and hurried to my car in the parking lot. The roar of a helicopter above me was unmistakable. I paused and looked up just as a three-million-watt spotlight attached to a police helicopter was turned on and directed at me. Instantly, the darkness vanished, and it became as bright as day in that circle of light. It was impossible for me to hide. After a few seconds the light was turned off and the chopper moved away. I assume the police scrutinized me from their chopper and decided I was not a threat or involved in criminal activity. Similarly, I never know when someone will scrutinize my life in order to determine whether I am a hypocrite or a disciple of Jesus. When this happens, they must not discover a closed door with a sign saying “Private.” Instead, I pray that they see Jesus in and through me, a sinful but redeemed disciple of Jesus. 

THINKING IT THROUGH

“O God, your ways are holy.” Psalm 77:13 

“Teach me your ways, O LORD.” Psalm 86:11

THE TRUTH: Jesus’ character made him different and holy. 

THE CHALLENGE: Disciples dare to be different in order to live into Christ-like holiness. 

The Related Scriptures, Questions, and Notes are for both group discussion and personal reflection. Our goal in Tier II is character transformation which requires sustained effort and growing faith. Thinking through the questions can help you understand this challenge at a deeper level. We encourage you to focus on those questions that you find most interesting or helpful. This is not a test, but a tool to help you respond to the challenges.

Related Scriptures

Isaiah 66:18a ¹⁸ᵃ “I can see what they are doing, and I know what they are thinking.”

Isaiah 47:10 ¹⁰ “You felt secure in your wickedness.
‘No one sees me,’ you said.”

Hebrews 13:7 ⁷ Remember your leaders who taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and follow the example of their faith.

1 Peter 2:21 ²¹ For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.

2 Timothy 3:10-11 ¹⁰ “But you, Timothy, certainly know what I teach, and how I live, and what my purpose in life is. You know my faith, my patience, my love, and my endurance. ¹¹ You know how much persecution and suffering I have endured. You know all about how I was persecuted in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra—but the Lord rescued me from all of it.”

Titus 2:7 ⁷ And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. 

John 13:14-15 ¹⁴ “And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. ¹⁵ I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.”

Ephesians 5:2, 11
² Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
¹¹ Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.

2 Thessalonians 3:9 ⁹ “…we wanted to give you an example to follow.”

John 3:19 ¹⁹ This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. 21 But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants.

John 1:5 ⁵ The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness can never extinguish it.

1 John 1:5-6 ⁵ This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. ⁶ So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth.

1 Peter 2:9 ⁹ But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

Romans 13:13 ¹³ Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don’t participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy.

Luke 14:1 ¹ One Sabbath, when Jesus went to eat in the house of a prominent Pharisee, he was being carefully watched.

Jeremiah 16:17 and 23:24
¹⁷ My eyes are on all their ways; they are not hidden from me, nor is their sin concealed from my eyes.
²⁴ “Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them?” declares the Lord. 

Philippians 3:17 ¹⁷ “Dear brothers and sisters, pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example.”

Questions

You are encouraged to use these questions for group discussion or personal reflection. Respond to the questions that are most relevant or interesting to you (I urge you to write your responses in a journal or notebook).

1. Challenge 7, Part B encourages disciples to live transparent lives, as if we were living in a fishbowl, always open to public scrutiny. What concerns you most about such a transparent lifestyle?

2. In this post-modern, post-Christian era, religion is generally tolerated as long as it is kept private, locked away from public view. Why do so many people consider public expressions of faith to be offensive? 

3. The title for all of Challenge 7 is “Dare to be Different.” It implies that living as a disciple requires courage and fortitude. Why is courage necessary to live as a faithful disciple of Jesus?

4. The necessity of “holiness” unites all of Step 7. Holiness is a comprehensive term referring to the sum of one’s character. Explain how holiness makes disciples different or set apart from others who are not disciples.

5. What are positive aspects of accepting public scrutiny? What are the negatives?

6. The “Dare to be Different” emphasis assumes that disciples seek to influence others. Does this require you to be an “example”? If so, is it an expression of superiority or arrogance? Does becoming an example to others intimidate or challenge you? Why?

7. Jesus also said, “You are the salt of the earth” (Matthew 5:13). How does salt differ from light and how does it complement light? 

8. “Truth” has not been a significant theme in Challenge 7 thus far. Should it be given more emphasis? How does it relate to holiness and daring to be different?

9. Likewise, Challenge 7 has not given emphasis to “humility.” How is humility closely related to holiness? Is humility required to live your life before an Audience of One? 

10. The first section of Challenge 7 B is called “Love, not Manipulation” and suggests there is a fine line between manipulation and unconditional love. How does living transparently before an Audience of One free you to love unconditionally—without manipulating others?

11. Does the presence or absence of light impact your physical or mental health? Write a brief statement on the relationship between light, life, and love.

    Copyright © 2024 Don Waite

All rights reserved.

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